About a two months ago, I started struggling again with my calling to go to Seattle. Through 2 circumstances, I began to question if I should be going, but to my surprise God was doing a different work. He was not trying to get me to see my confirmation in calling or to steer me out of that direction. No, He was taking me into the dark chamber of my heart were the crap is. I saw things in there that frightened me. I always knew they were there, but since I always ignored this chamber, I had no idea how bad the situation has gotten. You know, it is like knowing you have to take the garbage out, but in laziness you let it sit in your kitchen a little longer than it needed it to and the next thing you know, you have created a new species of flies. What I saw in that chamber surprised me and embarrassed me. I had no idea that I have grown to be insecure in my faith due to my inadequacies, identity confusion, fears, and selfish desires. When I saw that, how I longed for a tangible sin issue to be my problem. That would be easier to tame. This moment now became an opportunity for me to decide what to with this room. Close the door and turn my back and know what lingers there. Or make it beautiful. I craved beauty and said… “let’s do this.” This is a beautiful mess. It is all about perspective.
Perspective is vitally important for all of us. Especially as every day that comes and goes we inch our way closer and closer to our “promised land”. I am going to use this term, because it is about perspective, right? God called us there, to a foreign land. We have a promise from God to a foreign land & Seattle is our promised land. Perspective. Now, we all have a dark chamber in our heart (cliché terminology…sorry) and we know to some very little degree of what lies there, possibly dormant and not growing and infecting yet, or it is alive and reeking more damage than we know. I know that ever since you have been asked to be part of this team you wrestled with multiple things. Excitement, fear, insecurities, questions, wonder, thrill, inadequacies, and worries of practical life needs. These manic emotions will tend to come and flash before our eyes as things get closer and closer. Perspective.
The beginning of the covenant God made with Abraham were filled of promises. You will be a great nation (tons of people) and you will be a blessing to other nations. From this promise, the journey to the promised land began. Abraham had no idea what it would look like or where, He just believed and embarked on the journey. He had no idea that Egypt was going to be part of the picture, nor Moses, nor… But, it was the promise that formed a nation that was dedicated to God, and everyday seemed to be a step closer to the fulfillment of that promise. The promise created security & insecurity in God’s people. The promise created a longing for the land & complacency with their present lot. The promise created a movement of faith and a movement of fear. Perspective. Tension…
Imagine with me, in order to feel all of those tensions as the Israelites left Egypt with Moses’ leadership, and as each day they inched closer and closer to the “promised land”. The excitement of freedom and release from captivity, but now realizing that they are in a desert with no shelter, food, or water. The excitement to be their own nation, but surrounding nations are already established and strong, but they are not. The longing for the promises of God to be fulfilled and yet remembering that there previous location really wasn’t that bad (are they serious?). Tensions. What about the leadership tensions Moses must of felt? He genuinely cared for those people. He was truly hoping that those he was leading wouldn’t lose heart because he doesn’t really know the answers, but He continues to remind them of God’s faithfulness & goodness. Tensions. They are ever present in the journey, but remember, it is about perspective.The day of arrival. There is one hill left, and over that hill is the promised land. Moses finally has something tangible to show them about the fulfillment of God’s promise. Imagine the feeling Moses and Aaron had in their heart as the promised land was just over that hill. Imagine the excitement that went through the throng of people in the camp. The land of milk and honey is right there. No more wandering around in the desert! God has been faithful and good and throughout this time, even in the wrestling of their tensions. The scene is found in Numbers 13. Moses, being the smart leader that he was, sent out 12 spies to get information about the land. Produce, landscape, military positioning, etc. They were out there for 40 days, and were amazed with what they saw. The produce was amazing. The land was a land of milk and honey. They were also amazed with the people in land. They were amazed at there size and status. Perspective. Feel the tension. It is right there. God has been faithful with them in the past. This land is promised to them.
The 12 spies return. The report…full of tension. They confirmed that the land is flowing with milk and honey. They had a show and tell with the fruit. But, then fear ran through the report. “The people are huge and strong. There is no way we can defeat them,” they shouted. 10 spies were controlled by fear. 2 spies were controlled by faithful resistance. Perspective. 10 saw the obstacles, the giants, the fortified walls & cities, their own weakness and inadequacies. 2 saw God, remembered His faithfulness, and remembered that this land was given to them by God. 10 infected the throng with fear, while 2 resisted the infection with faith. Faithful resistance. Perspective. Tension. I am confident, that even the 2 spies must of felt a pang of fear run in their heart, but they resisted as they looked to God. It is unrealistic to move in faith and not feel the tension between faith and fear. We all know that faith looks to God and that fear looks to ourselves. The key is to have faithful resistance.
God has given us the grace of time, to get into that chamber and to make that mess beautiful. The disease in that chamber is not a tangible sin, but one that deals with faith, fear, and character. The tensions between faith & fear will come as we get closer to our promised land. It will be there right as we arrive and when there is only one “hill” left. Resist. We must have faithful resistance. The 2 spies had it because they had the insides right. They had the right perspective.I believe with all my heart, that Seattle is our “promised land”. If it is not, I am not strong enough to make it. I need to know that God promised it to us. I know that God has promised it to us. Each step of the way, one of us well get weak and have a tendency to believe in the negative side of the tension. We will at one point find ourselves in the same shoes of the Israelites in their journey. But, as Paul encourages us to do, let us learn from their road trip. This is just reality. We have a tendency to want to go back to “Egypt” when push comes to shove. Let’s resist it. That doesn’t mean ignore it. That means look at it in the eye and resist it, kill it, and make it your slave. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18
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