I was reading a few days back in the Chronicle of Narnia series, “The boy and his horse”, and was captivated by a line in that book that has haunted my thoughts. Aslan, the great lion (God) meets up with the horses and two children and slowly begins to explain their situations and his actions. As all four of them asked Aslan about why he did such and such to others, Aslan always replied by saying, “I can only tell you your story, not theirs.” That line has been haunting me. I love it. I hate it.
Today I went out to the river to be alone with God. I needed this time alone because God and I have some relational issues to work out. Darkness and hardness has crept into my life. I feel like God has hurt me in deep ways, and people around me try to encourage me and let me into their lives and offer advice that seems to fix problems…like, “if you only believe”…”God answers prayers, he did so for me in this way”…so on and so forth. But, Aslan only can tell you your own story. The “why” and “ways” he works in your own life. It can be used to encourage others, but it can not be prescriptive, because Aslan, can only tell you your own story, not others.
Anywho, back to the river. I am wondering if God has room for me still because of my pain and confusion and the way I lashed out at him. I first read in Scripture and felt peace. But then a car pulled up, and I saw this guy come out of the car, in which I had an encounter with before. The last time I felt like this, this guy appeared then too. He appeared twice now, when I really wanted to be alone with God, and he interrupted. But both times, now, I can see Aslan telling me my story.
My first encounter with this guy was last fall. I was by the Mississippi river, wrangling with God (I do this alot) and he walked right up to me. I knew him from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it. As we got to chatting, he told me that he is recovering from a brain anerism that has basically taken life away from him as he knew it. I swallowed hard, because I couldn’t imagine what that would be like. I felt miserable in my self-loathing as this man explained it to me in confusing language. But none the less, I felt compelled to talk to Him about God and that He is still there in the midst of it all. What? DO I REALLY BELIEVE THAT? I invited him to check out InterVarsity (where I work) and to hear a message about God. He said, no thanks. I don’t believe in him like that anymore…Then we chatted about trees and what not after that. I left and he left. I thought the God talk would come to nothing.
There he was again today. Same scenario, same situation, different outcomes. I am in my self-loathing and he comes up to me (I was hoping he didn’t see me). But, we got to chatting. Something was different this time. He told me that he was thinking about coming to InterVarsity and that he started to go to church again. All because of our last meeting. I was stunned. We started to chat, and I started to tell him that I am here because I am confused with God and hurt by him, and we connected. Today is Tuesday, and he has decided to come to InterVarsity tonight as well.
Why is this a blessed reunion? First, in the fall I was wondering if my service to God ever mattered. I asked questions like, am I wasting my time? I don’t make much money, is it worth it? Nobody except Christians even care about what I have to say or offer? I was entertaining the ideas of giving up ministry. Then he came. Today was no different. My wife and I are facing so many difficulties and I am wondering, is this what I get after serving you for years? Is this what it is going to be like? Is it worth it? This guy, my story told by Aslan, gave me the answer…yes.
As I pondered the last few years, and at every moment of my deepest despair (no exaggeration) and contemplation of quitting the ministry, God has always sent some stranger in my path (always when I want to be alone) to somehow encourage me along. I remember, one time I was in that place, I ventured down to the River again to smoke a pipe and wrangle with God. As I looked over my shoulder, an old man was stumbling to me, walking with a cane and a massive cigar in his mouth. He seriously looked like Winston Churchill. But as we got to chatting, I started (again) to chat about God. He encouraged me to stay the course. And he further told me, “the world needs people like you (me)”. I was stunned. Then he left. That’s all it was. I sat in bewilderment as to what the heck that was about.
Blessed Reunions…Aslan has a story tell you. Your very own story…He can’t tell you other people’s, just yours and yours alone. Other stories can encourage you, but God has a unique way of working with you specifically.
really good post. seriously good. Thanks for sharing.
With all humbleness, I praise God for that man.